My Love Won't Change
by that drama queen
Summary: Season 5 AU What if Ellie had to leave Toronto instead of Craig? Craig writes a song about the girl who walked out of his life...


**Title:** My Love Won't Change  
**Author:** Anne  
**Rating:** T to be safe  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi, Craig or Ellie, and Craig doesn't own the song Whatever by Rex Goudie, but for the purposes of this fic, he does.  
**Author's Notes:** The crack!fic died. I wanted to write a friggin' crack!fic but it died. I've never written Crellie before so if it sucks, feel free to set muffins on fire and throw them at me.  
**Dedication:** To Meagan (moirariordan), the coolest friend that I never talk to.

_dialogue from a memory_  
**song lyrics**

**You've been lied to a million times before**

It was when she joined Downtown Sasquatch that my life changed for the best. I finally had someone who understood where I was going with my music, and what I wanted to express. She always had an encouraging word with a warm smile. I know she had had some problems in relationships, mainly with Sean. I was there, I saw him leave her behind with a crushed heart and all the broken promises. We were friends back then but we really weren't that close. It was the music that brought us together.

**I know that you tried to move on, be strong, hold on**

I chose her. She'll never fully know it but I chose her. I gave up on a relationship that once meant a lot to me, knowing I'd never get it back to the way it once was. She helped me realize that without even meaning to. I never pressured her for anything. I just wanted to be close to her.

**Stealth in the distance like you're a thousand miles away**

But something made her withdraw. Something that left her devastated and she wouldn't talk to me or anyone in the band, any of her friends. She had pulled away and become someone I didn't really recognize. She wasn't the same girl.

Then, after about a couple of weeks of missing band practice, she showed up in my garage before the practice started. She had blotchy eyes and it looked as though she hadn't been crying…a LOT.

_"I have to quit the band, guys,"_ was her announcement the day we all found out what was going on with her.

Marco had been quick to object. He clearly didn't know why she was quitting. _"No, you can't quit, El! We need you!"_

Jimmy hadn't said a word since the announcement was made and I just looked at her, trying to figure out what was going on and get a read on her. Nothing. I couldn't get a single thing out of her.

_"Marco, I can't keep doing this."_

I had heard the pain in her voice and before anyone else could say something, I asked her, _"Why?"_

I remember her eyes that afternoon. I saw the fear, the pain, the sadness…everything she had been feeling, exposed for me to see. She didn't answer my question so I grabbed her arm firmly but still gentle and instinctively, I checked. I knew from all our time in our support group that it was worth checking out whenever she was going through a hard time, and I was right. She pulled her arm away angrily, pulling on her sleeve to cover the scars.

_"Oh no..."_ Marco said softly and I held a hand up to stop him from approaching her.

**Like no one ever listens but trust me this time is gonna change**

_"Hey, come on, tell me what's going on,"_ I told her with a firm yet really loving voice, hoping she'd open up to me.

She looked like she was gonna cry. I reached out to touch her face but she took a step back.

_"My dad…"_ I could tell she was trying to be strong, but I could hear her voice trembling and I could see the tears building up in her eyes. _"He's dead."_

A piece of my heart broke when Marco reached out to hug her and she let him. I kept my distance, knowing she wasn't ready to let me in that way. I stayed back, knowing that she knew I was ready to be there for her. I just wish she knew that I would never leave her behind.

**I'd tell you I want you a thousand times every day**

_"We don't have to do this,"_ I told her the afternoon we had to work on our English presentation about the Globe Theatre.

All she did was stare at the pages of a book we had borrowed from the library, pretending she was reading it.

I wish she knew how much I had fallen for her and how much she means to me now. Ever since she told the band about her dad and quitting, I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I hate that she's hurting so much and I feel so helpless. I figured, if I could spend as much time with her as possible, just looking out for her, talking wasn't necessary.

_"Ellie?"_

_"Hmmmm?"_

_"I…I lo…"_

_"What is it, Craig?"_

_"I love what you've been doing with that poster."_

_"Thanks."_

**My love won't change**

She came to me one afternoon, a letter in hand, alone, after a band practice. I figured she hadn't talked to the others in over a week and she was avoiding them like she avoided most people, except maybe Marco. But she let me take care of her. I couldn't stop her cutting but she didn't do it when I was with her. And she spent a bit of time with me.

_"Hey, El, what's up?"_

_"They want to send me away, Craig."_ She sounded angry and it scared me. _"They wanna send me to Vancouver to live with my aunt, my dad's sister while my mom's in rehab."_

I was in shock.

_"My dad had put in his will that if anything ever happened to him and my mom that my Aunt Clara would take me in."_

I understood why she was upset. She didn't wanna move away. But a part of me understood why her dad did what he did. It hurt with every ounce of my being but it was the right thing to do so I pushed myself to do it, because I love her that much.

_"You have to go."_

The anger flashed in Ellie's eyes. _"No, I don't. I don't have to do anything,"_ she had snapped at me, _"You said you'd be there for you and now you're turning your back on me?"_

Turning my back on her??? That was the last thing I would have thought of doing. She had no idea how hard it was for me to say that to her, but I knew she couldn't handle taking care of herself, and she wouldn't let me take care of her on a more regular basis. I was afraid life on her own terms might destroy her. It was better for her this way; she was just too upset to realize it.

_"Ellie, this is the right thing to do, you need family to take care of you."_

She clenched her fist and I knew she was ready to explode. But she managed to surprise me with what she said. _"No one gets me like you do, Craig. I need you. And somehow, I think you need me too."_

She was trying to appeal to my emotions. Hearing her say those words made my heart skip a beat. Deep down past the mourning, did she have feelings for me too? Pushing those selfish thoughts away, I thought about calming her down and getting her to realize that leaving was the right thing to do.

_"Look at it this way, El, it's only temporary. Your mom's not gonna be in rehab forever. I'll be here waiting for you."_

_"Who says I'll come back if I leave?"_

She walked out of my life that afternoon and I hadn't heard from her since. I can only assume she went to Vancouver, and when I try to get details from Marco, he clams up. I understand he has to respect his best friend's wishes and not say anything to anyone, but every time I try, I have hope that one day, he'll tell me something.

**Whatever it is that want  
Whatever it is that you say  
I'll do my best I swear I'm gonna make it that way  
Whatever it is that you need go ahead and take it from me  
I'll do my best until I make you believe**

But that was over a month ago, 35 painful days since she left. Now I'm recording the song I wrote about her, about the love that never had a chance to grow, the love I have in my heart, and hoping that one day the song will find her and let her know that I'd do anything for her. I still do school, but I recently signed with an indie label, working on the music I'm passionate about at the same time. It was difficult but at least I have a single. It's the only thing I have left since Ellie Nash walked away with my heart. I hope that one day, she'll hear it and remember me.


End file.
